A draft post from long ago...

Here’s the thing. I hate looking stupid. I sometimes allow my fears of what people might think to rule over me. Apparently after all these years (ahem, we won’t talk about how very, very, many), I never got over that middle school fear of being different and being labeled as stupid or being outside the loop. Our dog got out of the back yard a couple of days ago, and of course we haven’t really worked much on training (oh, there’s another topic!), so when she went running down the street and around the corner onto the main thoroughfare through our neighborhood, it took some work to get her corralled. There I was, standing on the street corner at 8:00 am in the morning, while the school buses and car pool parents are driving down the street to the elementary school. Kids are riding their bikes and walking to school. I was terrified she would scare one of them or worse yet, bite one of them. Or she would run out in front of a car and get hit. But mostly, I think I was annoyed that I was standing there on the street corner calling her, yelling at her to come, sit, stay -- and she wasn’t having any of it. There I was, LOOKING STUPID. In all honestly, I think I was angry and annoyed more because she made me look bad than I was terrified for her safety or the kids' safety. Now, our dog, even though she barks like a big tough dog, is really quite a little chicken, so I don’t think there was ever any real danger of her biting any of the kids. And she seems to stay away from cars, and I never saw her run into the street when a car was there.

Isn’t that pathetic? I am a pathetic creature. It was a humbling experience to realize that one of my biggest fears in that morning was the fear of looking silly. Oh Lord, forgive me.

June 7, 2012 update --  So I said this was a draft post from long ago. Well over a year ago. Our dog now stays in the backyard or close by us even if the gate is open. And she comes when we call (at least most of the time!).  Somehow I doubt that I've gotten rid of that fear of looking stupid, though...